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 Oct 22 2009, 12:25 AM
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#1
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 Judo Forum Shodan  Group: Special Members Posts: 671 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Australia Member No.: 2867  |
I was doing poetry with my class today...knocked out some Haiku...here is mine - add yours... (don't forget 5-7-5)
Eyes fixed, grip subtle Judoka faces the foe Searching for ippon 
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Oct 22 2009, 01:04 AM
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#2
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 damnum abseque injuria  Group: Supporting Members Posts: 10393 Joined: 28-August 06 From: unknown, but working on it Member No.: 3776 |
eyes squint, nose crinkles
toxic smell rolls over us please, please, wash your gi! -------------------- Disclaimer Please note, the above provided information does not constitute legal advice but is written for entertainment purposes only. The author is not responsible should you pursue any of the above, and by reading the above, you agree to hold the author, the forum, and any and all other entity including but not limited to God harmless for any damage, monetary or otherwise, caused by your pursuit. Yadda Yadda.... |
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Oct 22 2009, 01:14 AM
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#3
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 Judo Forum Hachidan Group: Supporting Members Posts: 15809 Joined: 29-January 06 Member No.: 2347 |
QUOTE(Judoturtle @ Oct 22 2009, 09:25 AM)  I was doing poetry with my class today...knocked out some Haiku...here is mine - add yours... (don't forget 5-7-5) Eyes fixed, grip subtle Judoka faces the foe Searching for ippon Judo Turtle, something written in 5-7-5 is not automatically a haiku. That is just ONE of the criteria of a haiku ! 
-------------------- "The world is a republic of mediocrities, and always was." (Thomas Carlyle)
"Nothing is as approved as mediocrity, the majority has established it and it fixes it fangs on whatever gets beyond it either way." (Blaise Pascal) "Quand on essaie, c'est difficile. Quand on n'essaie pas, c'est impossible" (Guess Who ?) "I am never wrong. Once I thought I was, and that was a mistake." |
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Oct 22 2009, 01:25 AM
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#4
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 Judo Forum Ikkyu  Group: Special Members Posts: 439 Joined: 19-May 08 From: Tokyo, but a Canuck Member No.: 8881 |
QUOTE(Cichorei Kano @ Oct 22 2009, 10:14 AM) Judo Turtle, something written in 5-7-5 is not automatically a haiku. That is just ONE of the criteria of a haiku ! Right, shouldn't there be some allusion to nature, some sense of man's vulnerability, and yet importance? Not that I really have any idea about these things. Still, Haiku are too much fun to resist. How about: the steams of july January's stinging drafts dojo doors open Alright, CK Sensei, don't hold back--I can take it! (I hope...) -------------------- Si vis pacem, para bellum
--Vegetius |
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Oct 22 2009, 01:49 AM
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#5
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Judo Forum Hachidan Group: Supporting Members Posts: 15809 Joined: 29-January 06 Member No.: 2347 |
QUOTE(yabanjames @ Oct 22 2009, 10:25 AM) Right, shouldn't there be some allusion to nature, some sense of man's vulnerability, and yet importance? Not that I really have any idea about these things. Still, Haiku are too much fun to resist. How about: the steams of july January's stinging drafts dojo doors open Alright, CK Sensei, don't hold back--I can take it! (I hope...) A kireji, or cutting word, should appear at the end of one of the verse's three metrical phrases. While difficult to precisely define its function, kireji lends the verse structural support, effectively allowing it to stand as an independent poem. Depending on which cutting word is chosen, and its position within the verse, it may briefly cut the stream of thought, suggesting a parallel between the preceding and following phrases, or it may provide a dignified ending, concluding the verse with a heightened sense of closure. The purpose is to create a juxtaposition, prompting the reader to reflect on the relationship between the two parts. A haiku also should contain kigo, a defined word or phrase which symbolizes or implies the season of the poem.  These requirements are important considering the Japanese aesthetic principles of wabi/sabi. This post has been edited by Cichorei Kano: Oct 22 2009, 01:50 AM -------------------- "The world is a republic of mediocrities, and always was." (Thomas Carlyle)
"Nothing is as approved as mediocrity, the majority has established it and it fixes it fangs on whatever gets beyond it either way." (Blaise Pascal) "Quand on essaie, c'est difficile. Quand on n'essaie pas, c'est impossible" (Guess Who ?) "I am never wrong. Once I thought I was, and that was a mistake." |
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Oct 22 2009, 02:07 AM
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#6
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 Judo Forum Yonkyu  Group: Full Members Posts: 130 Joined: 7-June 09 From: Virginia Beach, VA Member No.: 12285 |
Crashing down
Towards stiff tatami -- Stinging defeat This post has been edited by espm1000: Oct 22 2009, 02:07 AM |
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Oct 22 2009, 02:10 AM
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#7
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Judo Forum Ikkyu Group: Special Members Posts: 439 Joined: 19-May 08 From: Tokyo, but a Canuck Member No.: 8881 |
QUOTE(Cichorei Kano @ Oct 22 2009, 10:49 AM) A kireji, or cutting word, should appear at the end of one of the verse's three metrical phrases. While difficult to precisely define its function, kireji lends the verse structural support, effectively allowing it to stand as an independent poem. Depending on which cutting word is chosen, and its position within the verse, it may briefly cut the stream of thought, suggesting a parallel between the preceding and following phrases, or it may provide a dignified ending, concluding the verse with a heightened sense of closure. The purpose is to create a juxtaposition, prompting the reader to reflect on the relationship between the two parts. A haiku also should contain kigo, a defined word or phrase which symbolizes or implies the season of the poem. These requirements are important considering the Japanese aesthetic principles of wabi/sabi. Ahh, naruhodo. So a specific season, not awareness of seasonality in general; thus my use of both winter and summer doesn't quite cut it (kireji it?  ) as it were? And could "open" as a final word work? I had a sense that some sort of sense of action or change needed to be suggested, though I didn't know the specifics of "kireji". But structurally, can "open" work in this sense, insofar as it can suggest, oddly enough, a type of closure? That is, in this case, in spite of the hardships of summer and winter, the dojo must be entered when the doors open--suggesting an inevitable path, pleasant or not. Would this pass muster as a sort of structural closure?
-------------------- Si vis pacem, para bellum
--Vegetius |
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Oct 22 2009, 03:46 AM
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#8
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Judo Forum Shodan Group: Special Members Posts: 671 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Australia Member No.: 2867 |
QUOTE(Cichorei Kano @ Oct 22 2009, 11:14 AM) Judo Turtle, something written in 5-7-5 is not automatically a haiku. That is just ONE of the criteria of a haiku ! Thankyou...consider this the "Simplified Primary School Version"... we will strive for greater. |
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Oct 22 2009, 09:13 AM
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#9
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Judo Forum Shodan Group: Special Members Posts: 671 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Australia Member No.: 2867 |
QUOTE(Judoturtle @ Oct 22 2009, 02:46 PM) Thankyou...consider this the "Simplified Primary School Version"... we will strive for greater. Among traditionalist Japanese haiku writers, kireji and kigo are considered requirements. Kigo are not always included by modern writers of Japanese "free-form" haiku and some non-Japanese haiku. Maybe I am writing 'free-form'? Spring contest rages Inner calm the judoka Exploding kiai! I was looking to focus attention on the two sides of calm and action - slipped in the seasonal focus too... |
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Oct 22 2009, 09:54 AM
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#10
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Judo Forum Shodan Group: Special Members Posts: 671 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Australia Member No.: 2867 |
Drifting butterfly
Strike swiftly, uchimata! The spine is fractured |
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Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 9th February 2010 - 12:36 PM |
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