[Judoturtle]

I was doing poetry with my class today...knocked out some Haiku...here is mine - add yours... (don't forget 5-7-5)

Eyes fixed, grip subtle
Judoka faces the foe
Searching for ippon

[stacey]

eyes squint, nose crinkles
toxic smell rolls over us
please, please, wash your gi!

[Cichorei Kano]

Judoturtle, on Oct 22 2009, 09:25 AM, said:

I was doing poetry with my class today...knocked out some Haiku...here is mine - add yours... (don't forget 5-7-5)

Eyes fixed, grip subtle
Judoka faces the foe
Searching for ippon

Judo Turtle, something written in 5-7-5 is not automatically a haiku. That is just ONE of the criteria of a haiku !

[yabanjames]

Cichorei Kano, on Oct 22 2009, 10:14 AM, said:

Judo Turtle, something written in 5-7-5 is not automatically a haiku. That is just ONE of the criteria of a haiku !

Right, shouldn't there be some allusion to nature, some sense of man's vulnerability, and yet importance? Not that I really have any idea about these things. Still, Haiku are too much fun to resist. How about:

the steams of july
January's stinging drafts
dojo doors open


Alright, CK Sensei, don't hold back--I can take it! (I hope...)

[Cichorei Kano]

yabanjames, on Oct 22 2009, 10:25 AM, said:

Right, shouldn't there be some allusion to nature, some sense of man's vulnerability, and yet importance? Not that I really have any idea about these things. Still, Haiku are too much fun to resist. How about:

the steams of july
January's stinging drafts
dojo doors open
Alright, CK Sensei, don't hold back--I can take it! (I hope...)

A kireji, or cutting word, should appear at the end of one of the verse's three metrical phrases. While difficult to precisely define its function, kireji lends the verse structural support, effectively allowing it to stand as an independent poem. Depending on which cutting word is chosen, and its position within the verse, it may briefly cut the stream of thought, suggesting a parallel between the preceding and following phrases, or it may provide a dignified ending, concluding the verse with a heightened sense of closure. The purpose is to create a juxtaposition, prompting the reader to reflect on the relationship between the two parts. A haiku also should contain kigo, a defined word or phrase which symbolizes or implies the season of the poem.

These requirements are important considering the Japanese aesthetic principles of wabi/sabi.

This post has been edited by Cichorei Kano: 22 October 2009 - 01:50 AM

[espm1000]

Crashing down
Towards stiff tatami --
Stinging defeat

This post has been edited by espm1000: 22 October 2009 - 02:07 AM

[yabanjames]

Cichorei Kano, on Oct 22 2009, 10:49 AM, said:

A kireji, or cutting word, should appear at the end of one of the verse's three metrical phrases. While difficult to precisely define its function, kireji lends the verse structural support, effectively allowing it to stand as an independent poem. Depending on which cutting word is chosen, and its position within the verse, it may briefly cut the stream of thought, suggesting a parallel between the preceding and following phrases, or it may provide a dignified ending, concluding the verse with a heightened sense of closure. The purpose is to create a juxtaposition, prompting the reader to reflect on the relationship between the two parts. A haiku also should contain kigo, a defined word or phrase which symbolizes or implies the season of the poem.

These requirements are important considering the Japanese aesthetic principles of wabi/sabi.

Ahh, naruhodo. So a specific season, not awareness of seasonality in general; thus my use of both winter and summer doesn't quite cut it (kireji it? ) as it were? And could "open" as a final word work? I had a sense that some sort of sense of action or change needed to be suggested, though I didn't know the specifics of "kireji". But structurally, can "open" work in this sense, insofar as it can suggest, oddly enough, a type of closure? That is, in this case, in spite of the hardships of summer and winter, the dojo must be entered when the doors open--suggesting an inevitable path, pleasant or not. Would this pass muster as a sort of structural closure?

[Judoturtle]

Cichorei Kano, on Oct 22 2009, 11:14 AM, said:

Judo Turtle, something written in 5-7-5 is not automatically a haiku. That is just ONE of the criteria of a haiku !

Thankyou...consider this the "Simplified Primary School Version"... we will strive for greater.

[Judoturtle]

Judoturtle, on Oct 22 2009, 02:46 PM, said:

Thankyou...consider this the "Simplified Primary School Version"... we will strive for greater.

Among traditionalist Japanese haiku writers, kireji and kigo are considered requirements. Kigo are not always included by modern writers of Japanese "free-form" haiku and some non-Japanese haiku.

Maybe I am writing 'free-form'?


Spring contest rages
Inner calm the judoka
Exploding kiai!


I was looking to focus attention on the two sides of calm and action - slipped in the seasonal focus too...

[Judoturtle]

Drifting butterfly
Strike swiftly, uchimata!
The spine is fractured

[JohnGabriel]

the spine is fractured! WOh....

[Judoturtle]

JohnGabriel, on Oct 23 2009, 01:24 AM, said:

the spine is fractured! WOh....

Grabbed your attention?